IT IS NOT SELFISH

It has been quite awhile since I have posted here on my blog. The reason is because I needed time to reline myself with me. I had discovered how easily I was being distracted from my own healing and growth. I was suddenly being bombarded by emails. Everyone it seemed was wanting me to answer questions they had. I am certainly no expert, I am just a woman who has walked through the fire and brimstone of adultery. It is at times a gut wrenching, absolute core exhausting journey of discovery, not only into my marriage but also into myself. I personally believe there is no greater lesson taught, than the lessons we learn through infidelity.

I have discovered that I need to make sure I live by the three C's rule: Remembering that I,
have not CAUSED my husbands issues, I have no CONTROL over it and I most certainly can not CURE him.

There is a big difference in healing from an affair, than healing from sex addiction. When you discover your spouse has been unfaithful, it changes your world, if it only happened once, you can look back at times where no infidelity took place and remember the man/woman they were to you than. When you are a spouse of a sex addict, there is no looking back, PERIOD. You truly discover you DID NOT know, have NEVER known who they are/were. The looking back for a spouse of a sex addict is extremely painful. Painful to the extreme that you can not find a moment of where there was truth in your marriage, your dream. All the sacrifices, the love, the hope, all the plans for your future, were yours and were never going to be carried out to the end. The forever, was never going to be.

When asked by someone how long my husband and I have been married, he will immediately respond with 20 years. Not me, not any longer. I had to finally understand and face the truth, my husband, was not my husband and I was not his wife. Legally, YES! Spiritually, NO! Marriage is a vow given, a promise, your word to love, honor and cherish. In my marriage, that never took place. He did not keep his word for more than 6 months. I was living a married life, as a single woman. What I say now when someone asks me, is I am just getting to know him, although legally wed 20 years ago, we have not been married. Of course I get the funny looks, but I can actually laugh at it now. I owe NO ONE an explanation of my life.

I am now (LOOKING IN THE MIRROR OF MY LIFE), My beliefs, My actions, My needs, My desires, My hopes, My wants, My health, and My world. Some will tell me how selfish I am. I have learned, this is the LEAST selfish someone can be. When we are healthy and happy with who we are, we can LOVE others, honestly and openly. We can FORGIVE with a true forgiveness. We can ENJOY others around us and bring positive things into their lives. When we live in the dark, such as I was living after my wedding 18 years ago, maybe longer. We can not Love, Forgive or bring Enjoyment to our lives, yet alone someone Else's. My mother's, views or belief is you forgive, you just flat forgive and get on with it. In her opinion that is what Christ wants us to do. I believe God calls us to Forgive, he does not call us to just accept and get on with it.

I have struggled with my FAITH, so much the past few months. If what my mother said is true, forgive and just get on with it, I did not want to be a Christian anymore. PERIOD ! If I am worshipping a God who would want me to be abused over and over, than what kind of GOD am I worshipping. If I am worshipping a God where judgement, cruelty and just flat mean spiritless actions is okay, who am I exactly worshipping? My God loves me, He loves me and when I love someone, I want the very best for them, I want them to strive in this life, achieve Joy and Peace, be loved and appreciated by others, not used and abused. When we allow people that abuse us into our lives, they steal from us and what they steal is PRICELESS. Our Joy, Our Peace, Our Self Love. This is where my personal walk with Christ has come into play, I no longer completely believe has my mother taught me. Love and forgive unconditionally while remaining right beside the abuser, no matter how many times they offend, you keep going back for more, NO! I believe now that I am to Love unconditionally, with boundaries and if those boundaries are crossed I am to hold them at a distance, so they can not steal from me. To me, there is a big difference in the People of Christ time and those of mine. Saints walk a little differently now. Sin is so wide spread in the world now, it is every where, TV, Radio, Magazines, Game players, Cell phones, Computers, the list goes on. I can only imagine what my grandchildren will face. As the world changes, so must we. We have to stand, stronger with more armor, we must grow with wisdom continually, we must be careful who we allow into our lives. We have to hold those who harm us accountable. No one should steal our Joy, our Peace. That is how we as Christians should show Gods Grace, His Love, is through our lives and how we live it.

When I see people now and I see the misery in them. When I hear their voices of judgement. When they speak with gossip. When they take advantage of and use others for their own purpose and they call themselves Christians, I want to run from Faith. A Faith I believed in for 51 years. It is called Hypocrisy! The deadliest Sin of all. I believe that Christ is calling us to:

Love, with a firm hand.
Stand on stone, not on sand.
Be true to who you are, Christ does His best work through the brightest star.
Forgive, do not forget, forgetting will lead to regret.
To be God's human Temple, you must make your life simple.
Do not stand with Judgement, Anger and foolish Pride, instead let Joy and Peace be your guide.
Christ is seen in a joyful, peaceful heart, do not let the wars of life take that apart.
Beware of what you hear, look and say, there will be a judgement day.
To be forgiven we must forgive, through our Grace, Christ does LIVE.
What I know for absolute fact, is that I must love myself before I can love back.

When we are beaten down, we can not live our greatest life. My Christ is calling me to Live My Greatest Life. That means with Joy, Peace, and Love. To offer someone a healthy person, to offer them, Joy, Peace and Love, we must have it for ourselves first. That is not selfish. That is true Love, for ourselves, others and Christ.

To Love, we must first receive Love. Let Christ Love You and Learn to Love Yourself Unconditionally. It is NOT selfish.