MY BELIEF IN GOD'S DESIGN

I was asked a very sincere and good question, after my last posting. I was also asked to ponder this question before answering it. The question was asked through email, here is the question, "Now that you know all the carnage to the other families left by your husband, what do you think God wants you to do with it?"

I have decided to answer this here on my blog. I want everyone who read my last posting to truly understand what I believe God is telling me, especially at this juncture of my life.

I believe God has been telling me to STAND UP for years. Here's the thing, I believe God gave us our instincts for a reason. I believe that is how He speaks to us. Each and everyone of us, whether we have an addiction or not, we know RIGHT from WRONG. We all know that hurting others, especially those that love us, is WRONG. No excuses. For years, I mean years, I have chosen to believe my husband over God. I have believed his words over those of my own gut, my instinct. God told me for YEARS that things were not right with my husband and I chose to ignore his warnings. I chose a man and his words over my OWN and most importantly My FATHER.

What is He, my God, my High Power telling me now, He is telling me to rise above, to show His Grace. Not just to my husband but to all mankind.

Is he telling me that to do this, to show His Grace, His Mercy, His Love that I have to stand with or beside my husband? NO

You say that "Most couples don't make it through this type of wreckage because they don't have the strength to do the work required." I don't believe your greatest strength is in supporting someones decision to sin and hurt so many in the process, forgiveness yes, supporting absolutely NOT. I don't believe that the greatest strength is in maintaining or remaining in your marriage.

I believe it takes your greatest strength in maintaining your Faith in God and in yourself. I believe it takes more strength in rebuilding your own life after someone, you believed in, trusted, respected, loved and depended on to keep you safe, decided to abuse it for their own selfish reasons. This is why Christ gave us the choice or freedom to divorce for unfaithfulness. He knew this type of betrayal would test OUR faith in Him.

Do I believe that adultery is the only act that is unfaithful? NO. I believe there are many ways be unfaithful. The word adultery is used in Scripture throughout the Bible, in this particular versus, He uses the word UNFAITHFUL. Why not Adultery? To me, unfaithful is not just the act of sex alone, it is lying, secrets, any type of deception, to me, this all describes unfaithful. Doesn't God see this type of behavior as unfaithful to Him?

Tell me what sin is greater? The sin of turning others from God or the sin of adultery? My husbands actions, decisions, turned many from God. There is NO greater way to bring His lost children to Him than through our actions. Through the Grace of our lives.


Do I believe that God is calling me to carry the cross of my husbands sin? NO, that is why HE died on the cross. He is not calling me to die there. I am his child, his daughter, He loves me unconditionally and He wants me to be filled with Joy and Peace.

Throughout this whole ordeal with my husband I pictured myself carrying the cross through the streets of Jerusalem, as Christ did, beat, battered, bloody, with people cursing at me and I was determined to get my cross to the top of the hill as Christ did His. I was determined to die there next to the sinner, than I remembered, that is why Christ died, so we, I would not have to. He died to forgive us of OUR sins, not the sins of others. He only calls us to forgive them, not support them, not to excuse them, not to Judge, but He also calls us not to let others, including our spouses, steal our Joy, our Peace and most importantly our Belief in Him. Its through our Joy and Peace which allows us to show Gods Grace to others. When we allow someone to attack that part of us, it allows depression and negative thoughts to rule our lives, God calls us to guard against this.

I truly believe that Christ is not calling me to stay with my husband, nor is he calling me to leave. He is calling me to be my best, do my best and not to waver in my FAITH. To be true to who I am in Him. Not who I am in or with my husband. My Father, God or Higher Power is asking me to LOVE HIM, BELIEVE in HIM and TRUST in HIM.

Although my husband was a nonbeliever prior to discovery, it does not excuse his behavior. It does not mean that he didn't no what he was doing was WRONG and it does not make it RIGHT in anyway, we learn very early in life that this type of behavior is inexcusable and WRONG. The prostitute at the well was a nonbeliever, until she met Christ. He did not say, "Because you did not know me, you have not sinned." No, what He said was, "Go and Sin No More." Christ did not excuse her sin, He forgave it. My husband has found forgiveness through his new found Faith in Christ. He has found what I have known for years. He now has truly seen God's Grace through my actions, which is strictly because Christ put that Grace in my heart. If I did not believe in or have Christ in my own life, as a human being standing alone, I could in NO WAY be anywhere near him. I do wonder though, how my husband will do in his Faith, as it has not been tested yet, especially the way mine has. What will he do when his Faith is tested and we all as Christians know that Faith will be tested.

My Faith has been tested many times, at times I think of JOB in the Bible, how often his Faith was tested. How he screamed out to God. I have battled my Faith through the loss of Loved Ones, both young and old, through being raped at a young age as a virgin and being told, even by my parents that it was my own fault, "I shouldn't have walked home that night." "I shouldn't have talked to this man." on and on, than at 41 a physical illness took over my life, at times taking me to a point where I would get up in the middle of the night in such pain I would vomit and beg God to just take me home and the next night asking for His will to be done. Telling Him, Please Lord let me live to see and enjoy my grandchildren. Altough my suffering went on for over a year before my doctor was able to stablize my condition it was three months later that my daughter told me she was pregnant and before the first year was gone, my first grandchild was born. 6 grandchildren in 10 years, isn't GOD great. My Faith has been put to the test many, many times but this has been the most extreme test of all.

What is God telling me? Nothing more than to Believe in Him, Love Him and make Him center of my life, keep my Faith in Him strong and He will reward me, whether here on earth or in Heaven, my reward will not come to me through my husband, it will come to me through Him, my Father. My husband is nothing more than a child of God. God is not telling me to stay or go. He is not requiring me to do either, all he is asking of me is to LEAN ON HIM, not my husband.

What is He telling you? Do you honestly know, the test, the heart wrenching, gut twisting, extremely painful thing that one can do to another, infidelity, the test of Faith, both in Christ and in herself that you have put your wife through? Forget everything else you have done, do you truly understand the battle your wife goes through now on a daily basis? If you now know how you have put your wife's Faith to the test, What is God telling YOU?